North Korea, Best Korea!
I just pynch a tree in the face
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
