so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
