Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
