hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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