My pussy is not your playground.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
