Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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