put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize