this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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