I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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