I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
