so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
