isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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