just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
