I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
