Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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