You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
