she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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