I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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