I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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