I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
