I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize