youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
