He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
