YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
