ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love having hate sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
