he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
