My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
