he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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