Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
