somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
