You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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