sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
