there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
