Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
