You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
