PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
