Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
