I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
