She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
