Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
