No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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