if i can run in heels then i can drive
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
