Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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