i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
