Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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