shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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