Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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