Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
