Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
