Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
