Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
