I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
should my penis look like a turkey
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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