so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
