think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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