i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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