You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
