Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize