I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
