Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
