i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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