I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
