Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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