New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
